Tips and advice

How to Ruin Your Family Vacation

Looking to turn your family’s vacation into a disaster? We thought so. Lucky for you, I’ve created this guide to tell you exactly how to do just that. On the other hand, if you want a fun family vacation, I guess you could just do the opposite of what you’re about to read. Anyway, here you go, 6 surefire ways to ruin your family vacation:

  1. Don’t Plan Ahead

    Image of Text, Document, Scroll, If you’re looking to ensure chaos, complaining, and anxiety, don’t make any plans ahead of time. Be your usual unstructured self. Why make reservations? Why set a budget? You’re a creature of spontaneity! One time, I went on a family vacation to Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey. We didn’t make reservations at a hotel because it seemed unnecessary. What should have been a 4-hour drive turned into a thrilling 7-hour adventure as we wandered around looking for a hotel with vacancy that we could even pretend to afford.
  2. Always Stick To the Plan...No Matter What

    Image of Book, Comics, Publication, People, Person, The kids are hungry an hour before projected lunch time? TOO BAD. If you don’t make it to SeaWorld by noon, well, who knows what could happen. Those acrobatic sea lions are on a schedule and so are you! A great way to ruin a family vacation is to stick to a set schedule without catering to anyone's unexpected needs or desires.
  3. Bring The Office with You

    Image of Electronics, Mobile Phone, Phone, Razor, You’re so important that your job can’t survive even a few days without you, right? Thus, your laptop, iPad, and 3 Blackberries are all necessary. Nothing ruins a family vacation like spending the entire time glued to your phone or looking over that important case file. Might as well extend your vacation to include Bob at the office. To maximize the damage, keep bringing work-related topics into family conversations.
  4. Don’t Wear Sunblock

    Image of Baby, Person, This one’s simple. Ruin your vacation by feeling miserable and then complaining about it. Ruin all your vacation pictures by looking like the family lobster.
  5. Forget to Bring Snacks

    Image of Sign, Symbol, Road Sign, Eating is for happy travelers. If you’re a vacation-ruiner, don’t bring a single snack for you or the kids to munch on. Not even for the 9-hour drive. Not for the long day at the theme park. Just don’t bring any. And then, when you can’t stand your kids’ whining any longer, spend an absurd amount of money to buy everyone an overpriced hot dog.
  6. Bring Everything Else...Including the Kitchen Sink

    [caption id="attachment_3475" align="alignright" width="215"] Image of Animal, Mammal, Rat, Rodent, Pet, Hamster, "I'm ready...where are we going!?"[/caption] You don’t need snacks, but you DO need everything else. To ruin your family vacation, bring the following: your entire line of beauty products, valuable jewelry that will likely be lost, toothbrush sanitizer, hotel-door alarm system, large wads of cash, and Fluffy the hamster.
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